You Make Your Bed You Lie In It…

Difference between Engaged and Disengaged Workers

I’m divorcing from my kids.  Well, maybe a legal separation.  Seriously, when I stop and think about the current problems of the world I KNOW it’s the gridlock of – “How we were raised when we were kids” vs. “How we’re raising the next generation of leaders.”

A few decades ago, we were all abused.  I would go on record to say, though, that most of our parents didn’t know any better.  Our parents were trying to teach us a way of life and there was nothing warm and fuzzy about it.  Fast-forward to 2013 and this leadership style is known as “controlling, authoritarian, micro-managing…or simply – Abusive!”


Baloney!  All we’ve done is swing in the opposite direction.  We’re trying to control their happiness, which is creating generations of “Sissy Mary’s”.

Mom and Dad are not sending the same message to Johnny.  Daddy’s too hard, Mommy’s too soft.  Johnny grows up to be a jerk.  Mix in liberal, public education that focuses on individuality and lacks discipline and you’ve bred the next leadership style –


Johnny’s passionless.  He lacks commitment because of the mixed messages and the constant buzz of blah, blah, blah.  His dialogue is layered with a subtle, excuse-based, egotistical monologue where life is always viewed and absorbed through his filter of what works for him!

Today’s world is suffering from a lot of relationship problems.  Mental illness is the buzzword of the moment.  In layman’s terms, mental illness is nothing more than someone trying to control life on their terms.  In life (and business) we all default to “kissing-ass” on the job or kicking someone’s “arse”.  Either way, we struggle to realize Mick Jagger’s famous words, “You can’t always get what you want”…which is why we’re all emotionally screwed up!  At the bare minimum, if you can hold down a job, pay your bills and stay out of jail, then you can avoid the label of mental illness and quietly struggle trying to control outcomes…um, I mean happiness.


We can become better leaders right NOW and make the paradigm shift from:



(And believe me, most of us are)

Here’s the recipe for raising THE NEXT GENERATION OF LEADERS:

  • Put YOU first along with your marriage/partnership.  Stop worrying about making the kids happy.  Have HIGH expectations.  Hold them accountable. Give them lots of LOVE…but stop nagging and shut-up.
  • Stop leading with words.  Lead through action.  Give consequences.  If you have high school student – LET GO OF CONTROL!  If they don’t show respect for their relationship with social media, being a committed family member, and their academic goals….then allow for natural consequences.
    • Feel like going to college or get a job?  Yup they’re going to check out your social media imprint.  But you’ve been told that before.
    • Being a family means working together!  It’s about the WE not the ME…but I don’t really blame you.  I blame the world for teaching you that.  Keep doing you.  I’m gunna’ do me.  Let’s see how it works out for US!
    • Your grades important to you? Prove it. Everyone is capable of a B.  Stop living by excuses.  School is intended to build character – not an egotistical resume.
  • Oh, and drugs.  Zero tolerance.  If I feel that I need support from my local police to enforce the policy, then I will call them.  Trust me!

To create the leaders of tomorrow, WE NEED TO LEAD TODAY!

High Expectations + Accountability +Natural Consequences = Empowered Leadership

As parents, I believe we all want the best for our kids.  But, I’m not going to make myself crazy trying to change the world we live in.  It’s different than when I grew up, but it’s not bad.  It’s just a time to make conscious choices …not live by controlling methods of leadership.  I’m going to empower you, allow you to makes choices and let you live by them.

In the meantime, I’ve got to go to work…Love Mom

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Kathleen Mangiafico

Kathleen Mangiafico, ORSCC is a Relationship Specialist. She works with individuals and organizations on how to navigate through cultural and generational conflict. With a mix of corporate/non-profit experience and a 19 yr. culturally rich marriage (with 3 vivacious boys!), she has the expertise to shift your perspective from, "Who's doing what to whom?" to "What's trying to happen for the sake of YOUR business relationship?" Connect with Kathleen.


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