Sometimes blogging serves as a form of therapy for me. This blog post was one of those times. I actually wrote this post 24 hours before my mother woke up from her medical coma. My mom had coded earlier in the weekend and the doctor had told my family in the ER that she would likely not make it through the night. I was helpless so I wanted to visualize the outcome because truth be told, I was having a very hard time staying positive. I was also extremely emotional and scared to death. This might seem confusing for you to read especially since Wednesday I wrote about God having no place in the workplace. That blog post like many others are written a week in advance. Still while I’m not overly religious, I do believe in God and the power of prayer and positive thinking.
Can You Measure the Price of Love and Life?
My Mother had a severe asthma attack late last week. She quit breathing, didn’t have a pulse, and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. It was a scary time for our family these last 96 hours. My husband and I made the 5 1/2 hour drive to Kansas to be with my mom, my sisters, and my dad. Sunday morning she was awoken from her coma and brought back to us. I am so very blessed.
I have never in my life felt helpless, fear, anger, and love all at the very same time. And I never want to again.
The last 96 hours have reminded me that what matters is surrounding ourselves with those that we love. Loving completely and living fully. That means letting go, being yourself, and believing in who, what, and how you wish. Putting your hangups, past grievances behind you. Letting go of insecurities, anger, spitefullness, and negativity. Being you proudly, boldly, and without apology.
Over the last 8 weeks leading up to my mother’s hospital stay, I have had a personal need and hunger for more. And so I’ve meditated, practiced yoga, journaled, and listened to myself free from the opinions, judgement, and influence of others. And this weekend’s events pushed me to a conclusion.
How Do You Measure What Matters?
What matters is you. What matters is living your life in a way that suits you achieving the goals, dreams, and passion set for you by you. What matters is following your heart and supporting the dreams and desires of those you love. What matters is me. What matters is you. What matters is found within your heart, mind, body, and soul. Our paths and journey to reach this clarity and certainty are as different and unique as ourselves. For you it may be religion, for me it may be spirituality. For others it may be something we view singular, small and insignificant. But this is about us and not others and so our view or vision may be different and that doesn’t make it any less important or significant.
What matters is living your life with passion and fearlessness above all others. It starts with you. It starts with me.
I love you Mom. You are what matters to me.
Thankfully, my mom is expected to make a full recovery. She should be released from the hospital next week. And I know when she reads this she will likely be upset with me, and that’s okay. She doesn’t like to be written about.
2 Comments
Nice tearjerker for me, Jessica. I, too, a year ago exactly, went through something similar as my mom’s gall bladder decided to explode and send her into a downward spiral that threatened, not only her continued healthy state but her very existence. It was a lesson, one I didn’t think I needed to learn. I love my mom and was unprepared to consider a life without her.
Often as we age, we realize what is important and we either pull away from the family we grew up with, we compartmentalize our lives or stay strong – maintaining those relationships for as long as we are able…
And in the end, you are right – we MUST figure out what matters to us. What is important, what is required, and really, what is it we want and need.
I am thankful for your mother’s recovery and pray it will be full!
One of the most impactful experiences of my life was having to see my father, packed in a cardboard box, surrounded by ice, just before he was shipped off to Utah, where his funeral and final resting place was to be. I will write about soon, but for now – I will remain removed as it still hurts, ten years later, it still hurts.
What matters most is often elusive until what matters most is threatened. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks Rayanne. Writing this blog post gave me so much comfort. And when I talked to my mom today, I was so thankful. I told her it was so great to hear her voice.
JMM
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