3 Ways to Waste Time at Work On Halloween

“But Megan, this is an HR blog. Shouldn’t you be giving me 5 ways to keep my distracted employees on track on Halloween?” Ughhhhhhhh, don’t be boring. It may be Monday but it’s also the high holiday of fun people everywhere. If you’re spending precious work time reading this article, you can’t blame your colleagues or employees for frittering the day away calling up costume rental shops, fighting over the good candy, or watching David S. Pumpkins on loop. It’s a fake holiday, friends, so let go a waste a little time today.

3 Ways to Waste Time at Work On Halloween

1. Assemble a Last Minute Costume

You got to work and everyone’s dressed up but you. Or even worse, no one is dressed up at all — the office is drab and dull, bereft of the spooky spirit of Halloween. Gasp! There’s only one thing for it. You’ve got to put together a last minute costume using only materials readily available in your office. Use toilet paper to turn yourself into a mummy or a bride. Use your paperclip hoard to weave a shirt of chainmail. Decorate your suit with dozens of highlighter jack-o-lanterns, give yourself a white streak with whiteout and call yourself David S. Pumpkins.

Once you’ve hastily assembled your office costume, supplement your spookiness with a Halloween playlist*. Your toilet paper mummy may not provide a sense of verisimilitude but surely — surely — adding Monster Mash will help.

There are so many possibilities but only so much time left in the day, so get crafting!

* Choreographed monster dance numbers optional. 

2. Eat All the Good Candy You Don’t Want Your Kids to Get

You think it’s a secret, don’t you, parents? But we all know about your candy hoarding. That’s right, even your kids.

Here’s how it goes down: “How come there’s no chocolate left?” they ask, listlessly sifting through the candy bowl. “H-hey That, uh, that candy is for the trick-or-treaters. you’ll get your own tonight.” You think scolding them was distraction enough, don’t you? As a former kid, I can tell you with the special authority this gives me that no, it wasn’t enough. Those kidly eyes are on you and your shifty ways — and most importantly, on the goodies in your purse.

But wait, I’m getting distracted. We’re talking about your workplace candy horde. All those Twix bars and Halloween Peeps. You and I both know it’s more than the slight handful you’ve got stashed with your extra pens. If I went through your desk right now I bet I’d find enough candy to last a couple of weeks. Or, enough candy to last through to the end of the day — if you put yourself on a strict, time-passing, candy-eating schedule.

But just eating your candy horde isn’t enough. Even delicious marshmallow ghosts lose their appeal over time. What you need is a strategy. First, ask yourself just how productive you want to be today. If the answer is very, consider rewarding yourself with candy for every task completed and email sent. If the answer is not at all, send off a quick, high priority message to your office with a trick-or-treating schedule. (You may be grown ups but I don’t trust you to be equitable about how much time you get to give out versus collect candy. You did steal candy from your own babies, after all.)


3. Beat the Halloween Google Doodle Game

You have only until MIDNIGHT TONIGHT to beat this incredible drawing game. Since I’m currently stuck on level three I’ll be putting in several hours of “work” on this solving this problem today.

Wait, you haven’t heard about this year’s addictive Google doodle game? What did you even do last week? But don’t worry, you’ve still got several hours left in the work day to get Momo the catwitch safely through the haunted confines of the Magic Cat Academy. The game “follows freshman feline Momo on her mission to rescue her school of magic. Help her cast out mischievous spirits by swiping in the shape of the symbols above the ghosts’ heads. And you’d better pounce fast—the ghost that stole the master spellbook is getting away!” And you will pounce fast. Over and over until you look up from your phone and realized a whole hour has passed while you were fighting ghosts with art.

Go on and doodle Momo to safety, friends, and doodle away the hours until you’re at your last Halloween party of the year, or handing out candy to adorable goblins and ghouls. You’re welcome.


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Megan Purdy

Former recruiter, HR pro and Workology editor. Comics, cheese and political economy.


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